A man walks up to the bartender and says "Million dollars? I'm in, what do I have to do?" The bartender days "Task 1, there's a big guy at the end of the bar, he's loud and obnoxious and ruins everyone's enjoyment. I need you to go knock him out. Task 2, there is an alligator out back with an abscesses tooth. I need you to remove the tooth from that alligator. And finally, there's an 80-year-old woman upstairs that hasn't seen any...ehm...male companionship in many years. I need you to address that too. " The man says "Pour me 3 shots of tequila and I'll get it done". The bartender obliged. The man walks up to the big guy at the end of the bar, and without warning punches him square in the jaw. He falls backwards out of this stool, flayed out on the floor. After that, the man walks out the back door to go deal with the alligator, and the door closes behind him. All the bar hears is smashing, grunting, screaming, crashing, all kinds of racket. But eventually, the noise dies down. The man walks back into the bar, bleeding, limping, and with clothes torm to pieces. He goes to the bartender and says... "Alright, where's the lady with the bad tooth?"
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So I calmed down. Took a deep breath. Went to her house. Rang the door bell and then ran away.
His mummy
They call him Ping Pong
It was the biggest pho queue I’ve ever seen.
He's such a crock-pot conspiracy theorist.
and she’s anorexic.” “Oh, right. How’s it going?” “Not too well. Each week, I’m seeing less and less of her.”
It was at a funeral home and I guess I should have been asking if they wanted to be cremated or have a regular service
It got mugged on the counter
I said "Extra volume" She said "DO YOU WANT CONDITIONER ON THAT?"
Because he's an ex-terminator!
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best dad jokesjokes for adultHere, we’ve gathered the funniest dad jokes, jokes for kids, funny jokes, witty comebacks, and hilarious memes from across the web. Whether you need stress relief, a quick laugh, or the perfect icebreaker for social situations, we’ve got you covered!
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